The following are conversations between me and various guys that have tired to “court” me.
Date: So tell me about yourself.
Me: I’m flexible.
Date: Oh, really?
Me: Not that kind of-I meant…… physically I’m as flexible as uncooked spaghetti.
He seemed a little disappointed by this.
Me: So….do you want to hold hands.
Date: That’s kind of…
Date: More than that. You know how dogs pee on things to mark their territory? I’m not ready to make you mine and vice versa.
Me: If it makes you uncomfortable I understand……
Date: What’s the “normal” definition of holding hands?
Me: I….don’t know..I guess people who more than like each other experiencing light physical contact. I never thought about about “definition” before…
Me: So how was your night.
Date: Meh..I ended up sleeping in my friend’s bathroom floor, it was awful. But I couldn’t sleep in her bedroom.
Date: It was a preventive measure.
Me: Not following.
Date: I wanted to make sure she and I didn’t do anything.
Me: I’m still not…..
Date: I was afraid we would have sex.
To the guy’s credit he was wearing a purity ring
This last one wasn’t a date I was actually in class and the guy was just a classmate that had been flirting with me.
Guy: Sorry I was late I had to take my pregnant girlfriend to the hospital.
I swear that was a direct quote.
I finally I have accidentally asked two married men. In my defense they weren’t wearing their rings.