I Will Probably Be A Spinster

The following are conversations between me and various guys that have tired to “court” me.

Date: So tell me about yourself.

Me: I’m flexible.

Date: Oh, really?

Me: Not that kind of-I meant…… physically I’m as flexible as uncooked spaghetti.

He seemed a little disappointed by this.


Me: So….do you want to hold hands.

Date: That’s kind of…

Me: Intimate?

Date: More than that. You know how dogs pee on things to mark their territory? I’m not ready to make you mine and vice versa.

Me: If it makes you uncomfortable I understand……

Date: What’s the “normal” definition of holding hands?

Me: I….don’t know..I guess people who more than like each other experiencing light physical contact. I never thought about about “definition” before…


Me: So how was your night.

Date: Meh..I ended up sleeping in my friend’s bathroom floor, it was awful. But I  couldn’t sleep in her bedroom.

Me: Why?

Date: It was a preventive measure.

Me: Not following.

Date: I wanted to make sure she and I didn’t do anything.

Me: I’m still not…..

Date: I was afraid we would have sex.

To the guy’s credit he was wearing a purity ring


This last one wasn’t a date I was actually in class and the guy was just a classmate that had been flirting with me.

Guy: Sorry I was late I had to take my pregnant girlfriend to the hospital.

I swear that was a direct quote.


I finally I have accidentally asked two married men. In my defense they weren’t wearing their rings.


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