Apparently I Look Like Dog or Something Else That’s Bitey

Liv: So how was your weekend?

Me: Pretty good, I ended up staring in a student film .

Liv: Nice, how was it?

Me: Pretty fun although I think I got the lead role because I was the only girl with enough free time.

B: That’s still cool

Me: Thank you. I also met this really creepy guy. He was acting like a some lead out of a indie movie.”I’m on cross country trip with no destination”. When people kept turning me down to work in the film he “why are people so afraid”? And asked me “if anyone’s ever bitten me”?

Liv: Has anyone ever bitten you?

Me:Yeah when I was a kid, but I bit them first.

B: You should have said no. Just to see what he does.

Me: Yeah…..I will definitely do that next time.

Seriously What Can Anyone Do With a Tube Top?

Every time I come home my mom loves to surprise me with something.

Me: Oh cool what is it?

*Mom pulls out a tube top*

Me:…….That’s a …..

Mom: Yes.

Me: Covered in sparkly things…

*I touch the tube top*

Me: That are falling off…. What am I supposed to do with this?

Mom: Wash your car or  walk around town and look like a hotty.

Me:……..

*Mom hands me the tube top and walks away*

I left the tube top in my scrap bag, also at my mom’s house. Even if I did wash my…ever, I wouldn’t wear something that would be in constant danger of falling off. I still hope the tube top was just my mom being passive aggressive about my filthy car.

I didn’t think to take a photo of the awful thing while I was over there, but I swear next time I’m home I will.  If anyone has any ideas for what to do the tube top let know.

I’m Also Glad I Live in Age Where Almost Everywhere Has WiFi

I feel bad about not posting anything over the weekend, but nothing really exciting happened. Coincidentally I suck at time management. To make up for it here’s a conversation between my friend E and I. I can’t say how started talking about Vincent Van Gogh.

E: Van Gogh was crazy, he cut off his own ear gave and it too a prostitute!

Me: What! He was a epileptic and did by accident during one of his attacks.

E: I think that would pass for crazy back then.

Me: Just because something was crazy then doesn’t make it crazy now.

E: He gave his sawed off ear to a  prostitute.

Me:……What if  he couldn’t afford flowers or b.j’s?

E: Meh……

Me:……You know he was basically got a lobotomy or whatever you call it when the split your brain.

E: Yeah that’s not a lobotomy, but I know what you’re talking about.

Me: I’m glad I live in age where having seizures won’t get my brain-

E: They still do that. It’s only in extreme cases, but they still split brains.

Me:……..I’m glad I live in a age where I can treat my period with tampons.

Well I’m a Feminist

So I’m trying to help one of my roommates with a homework assignment. She needed some examples of social injustices.

Me: How about misogyny?

Roommate: What’s that?

Me: You know hatred of women. ….you do know right?

Roommate:……….

Me: ….. Next you’re going to tell me you’re not a feminist.

Roommate: I’m not.

Me: You don’t believe in equal rites  for women?!

Roommate: Oh I do, I do. I’m just a womanist.

Me:……..What does that mean?

Roommate: I don’t remember. I read it in a textbook and thought yeah that’s what I am.

Me: But you don’t know what it’s means….

Roommate: Nope, I really need to find that book.

I looked up womanism and it’s basically feminism for black woman. I haven’t told her, but figured it wouldn’t matter since she is black.

Does This Mean Only Guy’s Can Be Jedi’s?

I was playing Star Wars Mad Libs with E and his mom. I proudly present  the best parts.

 

The force is a mystical, pretty power.

 

“The force is an energy field created by all living penises that surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the bunny together”.

As Obi Wan Kenobi told his student, Luke Clint Eastwood Walker. “Your fingers can deceive you.  Don’t trust them”.

I’m really sorry I didn’t take a photo

So my friend Liv and I are walking near one of our schools lakes when I saw something….

Me: Holy crap! There’s a koi fish!

Liv: Really?! Where?

Me:Look- Oh wait it’s just a traffic cone….

Liv: How did I traffic cone get inside a…lake?

Me: No idea, but I’m kinda disappointed….

 

To be honest I’m not sure if it was a lake, swamp, or a retention pond. Regardless a traffic cone sized koi fish would be a nice surprise in any of those places. 

 

I Wonder if Anyone Will Read This?

I’ve been agonizing over how to do this first post for days. Then I realized that thanks to my nonexistent blogging experience or exceptions to meet no one will care anyway.

Welcome to my blog where I hope to show the weird/awkward/funny conversations from my life, talk about and maybe review some of my favorite things (books, video games, and movies), and maybe do some cooking segments for the cheap and broke!

Without further ado here a conversation between me and a game design major. Who was giving some character design instruction to my artist friend.

Game Design Guy: She lives up in the cold frozen wastes, but she’s completely immune to the cold and can overheat. She wears these tight biker short like panties and bra like top made out of seal blubber.

Me: You’ve put alot of thought into her underwear.

GDG: If you think I’ve put alot of thought into her underwear you should ask me about the other races. Ask me about the other races.

Me: I only know about the one with seal panties….

He didn’t tell me about the other races. A little later though…

Me: Shouldn’t she just be naked?

GDG: What no….I have a rating to consider.

Me:But it makes sense if she can’t feel cold, but manages to get “overheated”. Besides she could be nonhuman, this fantasy, right?

GDG: Yeah it’s fantasy but,-

Me: Or she could be like a Barbie doll, all shape no parts to complain about.

GDG:…..

Later I told this my dear friend E.

E: Didn’t he take into consideration that if they overheat they must have a really high metabolism.  They’ve have to eat alot of protein bars….THAT”S IT that’s why they wear seal panties! To store the extra food they need to live!